What’s your experience with catcalling?

I guess over the course of my life I have probably been catcalled a lot. Most of the time I usually just shrug and walk on by. I hate to say you get used to it, but like it’s definitely something I’m aware of when I leave the house. And I make an effort not to make direct eye contact with strangers on the street because it definitely invites a certain amount of forwardness, and um, you know, I try to dress in a way that suggests I don’t want to be reached out to spontaneously. 

Do you have any other strategies to avoid catcalling?

Well like I said I definitely avoid eye contact, because if you don’t look someone in the eye it’s  harder for them to start a conversation with you. And if I’m walking alone at night, walking down the street, I tend to look first before I walk. I guess a lot of women learn from experience that if you wear something that shows a lot of skin, or red lipstick, something that draws a lot of attention- that you might get more catcalling because you are more noticeable.

Do you remember the earliest age you got catcalled at?

I mean, I don’t know. I grew up in a suburban city so it wasn’t like New York City where you walk down the street and see thousands of people. My parents have a small driveway, and you know everyone on the block. And it’s not like we’re walking places. That cat calling, I think, didn’t really happen until we were later into our teenage years- going to the mall and stuff. Running into people who aren’t other kids. That’s where it became something I was aware of, people were looking and that from that comments were being made. And those comments were occasionally about me, which was a surprise. 

Do you frequently get catcalled?

Not as much as I used too when I was a younger person. But still, I mean yeah. But only mostly by older weirder dudes. [laughter] I’m only laughing because sometimes when you get to be a certain age you become sort of invisible. You’re not noticed in that way anymore. So when it happens you’re like “oh, well.” It’s not super relevant in my life but it still happens.

What do you want to say to men who catcall?

Be respectful. Don’t invade anyone’s personal space.

What would you like to say to young girls who are getting catcalled?

Chin up, own your power. Things can be traumatic and scary but you can also push back and say, you know, other people’s behavior is out of my personal control but I will be aware of my surroundings and prepare myself for what might happen. Keep yourself in safe surroundings, don’t walk alone at night by yourself, don’t get drunk or high in places where bad things can happen to you. Be careful, essentially. Be cautious. But don’t miss out on any of the good things in life. Don’t let some dude whistling at you on the sidewalk ruin your day. It’s not worth it. 

Why do you think men catcall?

It’s an interesting question. I grew up in a Latin American culture where it’s actually very acceptable, and there’s actually a word for it which is sort of actually the opposite. Catcalling sounds mean, where the word in Spanish is more uplifting in a way. And it’s a different style, also. When men catcall you in New York, they do some things that are weird- like sometimes they hiss at you to get your attention? Because that’s part of it for them. If they make a sound that gets your attention, then you turn, and then you make eye contact which makes them try to talk to you. So, beware of the hisses. Um, anyway, compared to Latin American culture men would instead say nicer things like “oh you’re looking lovely”, or “I’d love to dance with you”. The words tend to be more positive so I never thought of it in a negative way until it happened to me in a way that scared me- and I was like “oh, this is catcalling”.

Unwanted, negative attention in a particular way that makes you feel uncomfortable and a little bit in danger. It’s the difference between saying “thank you” lightly and moving on or having to stick your keys between your fingers. Culturally the guys who tend to catcall you in like, New York City, they seem like they don’t know how to talk to women at all. I feel kinda sad for them, (when they’re not being really creepy). Like if someone had given them the tools and the self respect to be able to start a meaningful conversation with a woman, they wouldn’t be doing this. And I try to remember, like, they probably aren’t trying to rape me or kidnap me, or whatever I think they are trying to do. They are probably just sad, and confused and a little lonely. Everybody’s got their problems, and everybody’s doing their best. Unless they are physically attacking you. Then punch them in the face. 

Can you talk a little bit more on the cultural differences with catcalling?

The Latin American approach to it is based in a different sort of culture. Like when I think of Colombia, my father’s town, the parents and the kids all listen to the same music, go to the same concerts, they all dance together. They dance all night long, and the whole community gets together- so it’s not necessarily catcalling if you already somewhat know of the person. You’ll see someone in the street, and then you’ll see them at the show with a band, and then the next morning you’ll see them at breakfast. The cities are smaller and that means the communities are tightly knit. You might not know the person, but your cousin will know their brother. It tends to be more, like, the beginning of a conversation. They say hello, they say you look nice, and later they ask you to dance.

There, being a little bit forward is like standing out from the crowd. Whereas, in the United States, it has a certain quality of objectifying the woman. I think sometimes women might feel like they’re just a pretty picture. In the United States, it feels like the comment isn’t intended to make the woman feel good. They say, you’re really pretty when you smile, you should smile more. You’re like, it’s not your job to tell me what I should do. I think something about it takes away from your perception of your person hood. It’s especially harder for younger women, who are wondering if this is the way they are going to be treated. The answer is, no, hopefully not. The significant difference is that feeling of like, it’s not about me as an individual, it’s about a weird reaction that someone wants to get out of you. 

Do you think that catcalling is related to power?

For me, catcalling is about an imbalance of power. If we were talking about, generally speaking, a catcaller that could chat up a girl at the supermarket, invite her out to dinner, or like- meet someone out with friends and charm them into having a second date, they probably wouldn’t be standing around on the street trying to chat up strangers in a very uncomfortable way. I wonder, what are they trying to get out of this? I always do this, think of the goal out of a situation. If this succeeded for you, what would it look like? Does the guy want my number? Do you want to take me out for a drink? Like, what is their goal. I feel like the girl was like “Hi! Yes! Let’s talk!” it might actually freak them out a bit. To me it seems like the goal is actually validation for them. Can they get a girl’s attention in a way that makes them feel like they are in control of the situation? Maybe they can’t be successful in a dating context, because they are socially awkward or mentally ill- so they result in catcalling. I think it’s more about powerlessness than about power in that way.